Wish I could Drive and Never Come Back

I am so tired of my family.

I have never wanted to leave to go back to Kansas City so bad before. I always want to come home. I miss my family, blah blah blah, and then when I get home, I remember how all of them are suck freaking dicks.

When I come home, I always help around the house. I take out the trash, I load and unload the dishwasher, I do laundry, I help clean whenever we have company over. I help cook dinner whenever I’m home. I really don’t mind doing it, which is why I do it. Unlike my 28 year-old-brother who just sits on his butt all day downstairs and does absolutely nothing to help out. I don’t do it for the recognition, but it would be nice if anyone else in the house was even an inch grateful for what I do for all of them.

But no.

We had company over the other night and my mom said something about me being such a hassle and “piece of work” when I’m home. I laughed, because oh my gosh, she really thinks I’m exactly like my brother. I voiced that I help out in so many ways and she paused, thought about it a second, and then said “The first week you were home, you did.” I was pissed because not only does she not at least acknowledge that I help out, she made me look like some lazy, ungrateful child in front of all my parents’ friends.

It’s like she’s making things up about how I don’t help out just so that Ryan doesn’t look bad. How her and my father have absolutely no problem with him being 28, still living in the basement, and helping out in no way or form and not paying rent is beyond me. He just uses them and they let him. So he laughs whenever my mom says I don’t help out because he thinks it’s so freaking hilarious.

My mom doesn’t trust me at all either, which pisses me off. I stayed out at Andrew’s house one night until 2:30AM and she threw a fit in the morning that I stayed out way too late when she didn’t tell me that I had a curfew to begin with (considering it was never a problem in the past). And then in the most accusing tone ever, asked “What do you guys do all night, anyways?”

I wanted to tell her that we get wasted and have crazy, wild sex just to piss her off but I would only get slapped. It just makes me so angry that she doesn’t trust me enough to even hang out with my boyfriend of almost four years. She knows that I want to wait and have no intention of having sex until there is a ring on my finger. It was just like a slap to the face, like she was calling me a little slut.

On top of it all, my grandpa is the biggest racist I know. Since he’s living with us, all I can loudly hear him talk about to his friends on the phone is how awful Obama is, how the stupid “blacks” are overruning our city and country, and things I don’t even want to repeat. It has just been grating on my nerves all week because there’s nothing you can say to him that will make him change his mind or even shut up. UGH.

Tonight, I had put clothes in the dryer and was in my room so I didn’t hear the buzzer when it went off. It had apparently gone off a few times and when I left the room, had every member of my family yell at me. I’m sorry, is it so hard to go downstairs and just push the button to turn it off yourself? Or even easier, politely ask if I can go get my laundry? So I did what everyone else was doing to me, I yelled back saying all anyone had to do was ask me! It wasn’t my fault I couldn’t hear it!

So my dad yelled back, “Don’t like us yelling at you? Good! We’ll yell at you all the time so you can get used to it!”

I’ve just had enough. I slammed the dryer door shut. I slammed the gate by the stairs shut. I slammed the door to my room shut. I locked my door. If Andrew weren’t already in Kansas City, I’d be at his house right now just to freaking get away. And if I didn’t have to work for my mother on Wednesday (who will be with my grandpa during his surgery) I’d be throwing my crap in my car and leaving.

Instead I’ll just go for a really long drive and blast my music and just pretend that nothing happened, because that’s what my family does best.

6 thoughts on “Wish I could Drive and Never Come Back”

  1. Aw, I know how you feel :( I hate being with my family too so I chose to go to school really far away. I feel like certain families are so much better when you’re not with them, but then it makes you feel like you need to be with them because you haven’t been with them in so long, and then it just all hits you. Did that make sense? heh. I’ve accepted that this is just how families are… they just take you for granted and piss you off til you’ve had enough and then they’ll beg you to come back to them (later on).

    But it’s ok, just keep doing what you did (drive and shut them out for awhile) and for some reason (judging from all my friends’ experiences) you’ll just hit an age where it doesn’t ever bother you anymore. It’s strange! I know.

  2. Sorry that you’re having family issues :( It sounds like you do a lot when you’re at home. I would be so annoyed if someone pretended like I did nothing. It’s also weird that they have no issues with what your brother does (or rather doesn’t do), yet they get on your case. That’s just favoring one person over the other, and that’s not cool. That and listening to racist things… I wouldn’t be able to stand it either!

    I hear you on the trust issue. Even after I graduated college, I had to hide the fact that my boyfriend would spend the night. Now I’m almost 30 and my mom still freaks out if I take a trip by myself. I guess some parents never get over it!

    I think it’s a good idea to spend time outside of the house during the frustrating times. I hope things will get better somehow with your family :(

  3. I’m sorry to hear about your family troubles. That isn’t cool what you’re family is doing. I know they must be stressed out, but no reason to take their stress out on you who has been helping out. I felt the same way, when my dad’s girlfriend first moved in with us. She over took the entire house, took the fan out of my room that I had cleaned and saved, asked me if it belonged to me, and more fighting started. I moved out because I could not handle knowing that I had a key but couldn’t use it due to the girlfriend having the say so of whether or not I could get back in. Things are much better now, that I’m no longer living there, and I know my dad misses me like crazy as I’m the only family he has (had — until he adopted his girlfriend’s family – isn’t that the way of it?).

    One day – you’ll look back on all of this and just laugh. When they need your help, I’m sure you’ll remember this and say “Remember when I helped out, and all I got was yelled at?” I did that to my mom and all she could say was “I don’t remember doing that”. She couldn’t remember doing it because she didn’t want to feel embarrassed about yelling at her daughter in a restaurant. I say if it i happens again, pack up your stuff and go back to your apartment. You don’t need that stress. Or snap back with something clever.

    RE: Apparently, the receptionist is a temp until the real receptionist comes back from maternity leave. However, I was told by the nurse that the temp. does NOT want to do her job not even MULTITASK. She’s gotten so many complaints about her, that the patients were walking in the door saying “I do NOT want to be on hold any longer.” I don’t blame them really. Thank goodness, that there is only 1-2 weeks left of her.

    Also, it really is funny how the doctor thinks that the x-rays were for my scoliosis when in fact it was for my cyst. I wanted to correct him so bad, but I kept my mouth shut. If it is brought up again, or when I go in there again – I will state to him that the x-rays were NOT taken for my scoliosis but for my cyst on my lower right back area which is still there. I hate it when doctors think they know everything and they don’t!

    I had gone to my Psychiatrist appointment today, and told him what my antidepressant did to me, and he still wants me to take it! I mean WTF!? In fact — I told him that I have come to find out that celery is helping me with my depression so I turn to that. He looked at me all weird, but not a lot of people know that it helps.

  4. I’m sorry to hear about the incidents that occurred with your family :(. It’s ridiculous how your mom calls you out about being lazy and stuff when you’re already helping out as much as you can. Plus you bought your own car, working, and you pay for your rent at school too so I don’t know where they’re getting that idea from. And to assume that you’re out having sex is crossing the line too. I hope these relations will get better as time pass. It’s not cool having to deal with this when you’re not at home as much anymore.

    Sometimes, old habits die hard; especially with racism. It’s definitely a huge no no when race is involved with someone you dislike.

    Despite of all of this happening, don’t let it bring you down. You’re better than that. Stay strong and be awesome like you are :)! Hopefully school will start for you soon so you can put this behind your back.

    Take care!

  5. I’m really sorry to hear about all the family drama. Been there done that. It’s really really frustrating. I hope things calm down and that your parents and the rest of your family start to see how much you’re doing around the house.

    Hang in there! And I bet a nice long car drive did you good though. That usually helps me calm down and I wish I could take such drives more often because it can really make a bad day way better.

  6. Ugh, I’m so sorry to hear about the crap you had to deal with. Good thing you’ve moved out. Maybe some distance from your family will help them appreciate you.
    (I am uncomfortable with the use of the word ‘slut’, though.)

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