The Chapter Never Ends

I’m back to school and back to work again. The first week of classes always gives me the jitters and I’m stuck in this weird, anxious state that keeps me on the verge of tears. I guess that’s just the nerves, though. All in all, the movie theater is exactly the same and my classes are all well enough. This semester’s going to be a bit tougher for me since I’m in my core business classes now, but I think I’ll do alright.

My mom and I are on civil terms again, thank goodness. She keeps me updated on how my grandpa is doing. He had a checkup today and the doctor was very pleased with how he’s progressing. They want to keep an eye out for any infections since he had one the last time, but he’s doing very well and I am very thankful for that.

Kansas City is much the same as well. I forget how lonely it can be whenever I go away and then come back again. I’m so used to being surrounded by people at home, my mom and dad and brothers and sister and dog. And when I’m here at my apartment, it’s just me and the roommate. We have such crazy schedules that we don’t actually see each other much, so it’s almost like I’m living on my own.

It’s lonely, but two weeks in and I’m feeling okay. I’m not depressed and I’m not really sad, just wanting to get this semester through. I look forward to the days that I get to see Andrew and sometimes I feel like such a bother. I feel like I take up a lot of the free time he has; he always says he wouldn’t want to spend it any other way, but I can’t help but feel bad.

I don’t think I’m going to be able to work as much this semester because my classes are going to take up more time. But working has been good this past week; it keeps me from thinking and it keeps me busy. I really like the people I work with even if I’m not very happy about the job itself. It’s just temporary though, which is a blessing indeed. :) I applied for an internship at Boeing today for the summer. I don’t think much will come out of it, but how cool would it be if I did get it? Fingers crossed I’m at least considered for an interview!

I feel a bit weird, honestly, like I’m stuck in a state of limbo. I’m working and going to school, but it’s like I’m not really living. I’m just trying to get through this day and then the next. It’s like what authors call “filler” chapters, just writing for the sake of writing, not to actually tell a story. I feel like that’s where I’m at – trying to prepare for the next chapter of my life while I’m not in a chapter at all. Does that make any sense?


4 thoughts on “The Chapter Never Ends”

  1. Good luck with all your school work and with your regular job. It is good that your getting on decent terms with your mother and that your grandfather seems to be progressing well.

    I don’t blame you on not working much though. I could have never done college and worked at the same time. I would have broken in two so I really admire people who can.

  2. I hope you get picked for an interview at least!

    I understand the whole limbo thing. When I was in school full-time I worked full-time too. It was just like you kept moving getting no where. I only work right now but it still feels like I’m getting no where somedays.

  3. Good luck on the intership and the interview! I hope you get picked! You deserve it!

    I honestly can say that I told you so about you and your mom! Things would get better. I think things were heading down south due to everyone being there and it got frustrating to you. So I’m glad that you guys are speaking again.

    I understand the whole limbo thing. I honestly can say that when Tristan and I start school in the fall – that will be my main focus (besides Tristan of course). Friends will come and go and I don’t need anymore of that in my life. I just want this one chapter of my life to be over so I can flip to the next chapter and move on.

    You shouldn’t have to feel bad for hanging out with your boyfriend. If he says it is cool/fine than you shouldn’t have to feel bad. I do know what you’re going through. I know how much my boyfriend enjoys reading and sometimes I feel bad for taking up his time out of the day – but he’s happy to do whatever I need to be done. So basically we’re in the same boat you and I. But still you and I shouldn’t feel bad. If they’re happy to have us around – that’s a positive not a negative thing.

    Just keep on doing the school thing and work thing as well and you’ll get to the next chapter in life I’m sure of it.

  4. I’m glad things are alright with your mom again, and I’m also glad your grandpa is doing well!

    Aww, you shouldn’t feel like a bother! He probably enjoys seeing you just as much :) Working and school at the same time sounds pretty hectic, so that’s understandable if you’re not able to work as much this semester. Good luck on the internship!

    About the state of limbo, I feel the same way a lot of times. I really just go to work and then I’m too tired afterwards to do anything else. I really should be more productive or try to find more ways to break the routine =/

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