Tag Archives: Andrew

These Hands

The first time you slipped your hand into mine, it was awkward. It was a week after we had started dating and we were walking in the afternoon sunshine. It was impulsive and quick, as if you thought about it too much, you wouldn’t be able to muster up the courage. Your fingers weren’t intertwined in mine, your hand was just wrapped around mine like an awkward handshake. It was warm. It was new.

“He was asking for you,” The nurse told me, and I couldn’t help but laugh at how loopy you looked when I saw you lying on the hospital bed. You were being very impertinent, constantly asking the nurse your vitals and commenting on your good health. You said you were fine, but the anesthesia was clearly still working. You asked for permission to wear your glasses and I smiled and handed them to you. You were insistent that I hold your hand while we waited for the doctor. I complied and this time my hand warmed yours.

Four years felt like forever. That night was magical: a fancy dress and expensive restaurant, doing things that we normally didn’t do. If time could stand still, I would want to stay in those moments forever. And then you were down on one knee. You knew the answer before I even said it and scooped me into a hug. This was what forever felt like, and I couldn’t stop holding your hand.

I was driving with my left hand, and my right was holding yours. You were leaving for Spain for the summer, and I still wasn’t prepared. I had been holding tears back the entire drive, trying to keep it together in front of you and our friend. I made a wrong turn, but lied and said it was an accident. I just wanted to hold your hand for a little longer. You took your suitcase when we parked and you hugged me hard. I couldn’t stop the tears. I had to let go of your hand. And then you were gone.

I was sobbing. Words had never stung so much before, but the silence in your answers were worse. The crickets and lightning bugs were out, the night as dark as a sea of ink. I didn’t want to speak to you but you sat on the porch outside my house for hours until I eventually came out. Your words were quiet and you took my hand into both of yours. I tried to remove it. We almost broke up, but you held on tight.

My dad originally held my hand. I was dressed in white and you were in light gray. It was the first time you wore a bow tie. There were tears in your eyes but I couldn’t stop smiling; I knew if I did, there would be tears in mine, too. My father placed my shaking hand into yours with a kiss on the cheek. I don’t remember the exact words, but I remember the feelings. My hands were now yours, and your hands were now mine.

It was snowing, the flakes on the ground making the world outside shine. You climbed into bed before I did and made your side of the sheets warm. I slipped under the covers and shivered. I tentatively reached out my hand of ice, searching for your warmth. You yelped when I found your arm and I couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled out of me. You told me I couldn’t come any closer or I might hurt you because I was so cold. But you pulled me closer and slowly warmed my hands between yours.

Now, as I lean my head on your shoulder and slip my hand into yours, I think of the countries your hands have seen, the people yours hands have helped. And yet, your hand is here in mine, still.

Treat yo self

Yesterday was the last day that Andrew and I both had off before the start of the new semester. His back had been bothering him for a couple weeks and he wondered if I’d want to go get a professional massage with him. The idea of paying a stranger to touch me for an hour kind of puts me off, but I’ve had friends who have had them and absolutely raved about them. We thought it would be a fun “date” kind of activity so Andrew booked an appointment.

He then suggested we make a day of it since it was our last day off together. We had quite a few restaurant gift cards from Christmas that we hadn’t used yet, so we decided to go to lunch and dinner with them. We also had some other gift cards – me to a book store and Andrew to a gaming store. Andrew joked that we could have a “treat yo self” day with all the spending we were doing.

Treat yo self (verb): A day where one treats themselves to the finer things in life. Invented by the TV show Parks and Recreation, where Tom Haverford and Donna Meagle spend a day solely splurging on things for themselves. Clothes? Fragrances? Massages? Mimosas? Treat yo self!

The idea of a whole day spent splurging on unnecessary items regardless of the price tag absolutely horrifies me. But since all of our spending except for the massages were from gift cards, it was fun all day to do or buy something and then say, “Treat yo self!” Andrew brought the sass like Donna, and I brought the pizzazz like Tom. :P

We started our day with lunch at Buffalo Wild Wings, which is without a question Andrew and I’s most frequented restaurant. Those wings, tho. We had to eat a bit fast because the closest one to us is about a half hour drive and we wanted to get to our massage appointment on time.

I was a bit nervous about the massages. We filled out some paperwork about our preferences and after a short time of waiting (we were a bit early), they took us into a low lit room. They told us to dress down to our comfort level and they would return when we were ready. I couldn’t help but giggle at how weird this was to me as we undressed. I climbed under the sheets of the massage bed and was so happy to find out that the beds were heated! I am perpetually always cold, so having the heated bed seriously felt like heaven. I was all ready for a nap when the masseuses came back in!

Andrew had his masseuse focus solely on his back and shoulders – since that was where he was experiencing a lot of pain. I was more there for relaxing than health reasons, so I opted for the full body massage just to try it. I also mentioned that I had some minor soreness in my back and shoulders I’m sure from just general poor posture. She had to tell me to relax a bit at first (because uhm – this stranger is touching me! Weird!) but slowly I was able to unwind. She did some deep tissue massaging on my shoulders – which hurt but felt really good at the same time, and the rest she did just light to medium pressure. The leg and arm massages I don’t feel like they did anything, it was just to feel nice.

Before I realized it, our hour was up. I didn’t want to get out of the heated bed! They greeted us outside the door with cups of water and some instructions saying that we might be a bit sore the next couple of days where they did the deep tissue massaging. Overall, it was a really relaxing experience for me, but I don’t think I would go again except for health reasons. The price just seems too high to make it more than an occasional occurrence.

We had planned on going to the bookstore afterwards, but I think the massage made us both feel really lazy so we just headed home. We had been trying to find a good day to watch Gone with the Wind since it was on our IMDB 250 list, but just hadn’t gotten to it because the movie is so long – nearly four hours! We started it but only got about an hour through before we got hungry (why are we always hungry? :P ) so we paused and went to get some dinner.

We decided that Italian sounded good. Normally we don’t order drinks, but we had gift cards and – treat yo self! I ordered a frozen strawberry margarita for Andrew and I to share. It was really good! The alcohol wasn’t too strong and you could really taste the strawberries. Once we were full, we drove to a nearby game store so Andrew could buy a game he’s been eyeing that was on sale. We had fun looking through the games and the special controllers they had, but didn’t buy anything else.

We headed back to the apartment and finished the rest of Gone with the Wind. It wasn’t what I was expecting, but I think I liked it. However I’m a bit tired this morning because we were up until about 11:15PM finishing it. Even my boss commented that I looked tired this morning. :O But everyone once in a while you gotta…

Treat yo self!