Still Miserable

The last month of my life has been the most difficult and challenging time of my life. Things are a little better since my last post; I’m not crying every time I think of my family or home, and I’m not always cooped up in my dorm. However, things are still really hard for me. And I really have no idea why. Tonight is just a night that I’ve been so down and keep tearing up every few minutes. My roommate is in the room however, so I have to keep just taking really deep breaths and act like my nose is just runny every time I got up to get a tissue.

I really don’t know why college is so hard for me. I’ve been on literally halfway across the world for half a month and had no problems. I’ve done numerous mission trips and activities with friends where I’ve been gone from home for relatively long periods of time. Maybe it’s just that I always knew when I was coming back home to them…

I got to go home for Labor day weekend which was wonderful. It was so great to be able to see my family and friends and church family. I might have started crying. x_x My mom drove down with my aunt and sister to pick me, Andrew, and another friend up and bring us home. Then Andrew’s mom took us back. Andrew’s still working on the whole getting a new car bit. I don’t know if seeing my family was really helpful because it just makes me miss them more now.

I’m not enjoying my classes. I’m only taking 12 credit hours (which is not much at all…). I have two classes each day: Monday/Wednesday/Fridays I have French 211 and a dumb freshman seminar class this is a waste of time and money (i.e. let’s learn how to take notes today!). Tuesday/Thursday I have Psych and Honors English. I’m doing pretty terrible in French and I dunno if it’s worse that I’m doing so terribly or if it’s just that I don’t care? I’ve got a quiz tomorrow and an exam Friday, and I just…. I don’t care. It doesn’t make any sense. Which is so freaking stupid because that’s the whole reason I’m here, to get an education and to take classes. I’m just so down that I can’t even bring myself to really try and study. So stupid.

I’m just so miserable for no legitimate reason and I know it’s taking a toll on everything. I don’t want to meet new people. I don’t have the energy to perform well in class. I figured after almost a month into college I would be into the hang of things. I have really good days, and then I just have really awful days where I mope around. I just feel like I’m wasting so much time and money. And with so many people counting on me… But I’ve got a whole year to get through.

Being surrounded by everyone who knows what they want to do and their major is not helpful either. I feel like I’m wasting even more time on classes I’m taking because requirements change per major, and some majors you need to start taking classes for your freshman year. I don’t particularly want to stay in this hell for more than one year, let alone four. I just need to change my thoughts to more positive things, but that’s so much easier said than done.

Here’s to hoping tomorrow’s a whole lot better than today was.

5 thoughts on “Still Miserable”

  1. Hey, I really like your blog! We have a lot in common. :) I’m a freshman in college too and I love it so far.
    I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. A lot of people are probably in the same boat as you, it probably doesn’t seem like it, but there are other people that are homesick too. Psych and English aren’t a waste of your time. Even if there not required to take them, think of them as helping you to better yourself become a better person. I have a freshman seminar class and that’s kind of lame but hopefully I’ll make an A in it. Get involved in clubs or just sit on a couch and start reading and maybe some people will come up to you and start talking. :) I know you’re just ranting, but I hope this makes you feel better. :)

    Heres a video of a sneezing baby panda.

    1. Thanks! I’m glad you enjoy my mindless babbling, LOL. I’m glad that your freshman year so far is going so great! I hope that it continues that way and you do manage to get those A’s. All freshman seminar classes are super lame. :P

      I have been getting involved with a specific group and it’s great – I love the people in it, etc. It’s just my classes and the people in my classes are making me so miserable. I guess. Just not knowing what I want to do is driving me crazy. Alas, some days are better than others.

      AWW. Baby panda sneezing definitely made me smile! :) Thanks for that!

  2. Aww, hun, I’m so sorry to hear you’re feeling this way. :( Isthere anyone you cal talk to on site, like a counsellour? I don’t want you to feel “alone”, that’s all. :( Big hugs, I am with you in spirit!! <3

  3. It seems like you’re just a but overwhelmed. You know you’ve got to do well and work hard, but because of that you’re feeling stressed and don’t care about it. I get the same way sometimes. Like this weekend, I missed a day of work simply because I didn’t feel like going. I know it was wrong of me, but I just didn’t care to get up and get dressed and deal with people all day.

    You kind of have to slap yourself when you start feeling that way and tell yourself to get your act together. If you can remember to do that, you’ll be fine. But I know it’s hard!

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