Another Year Older

On Thursday, April 7th, I turned 17. I always think it’s funny when people ask me if I feel any older. I never get that feeling, and I don’t think most people do either.

Instead, I feel like I’m 17, plus everything below. I’m still 16; I’m still 15; I’m still 12; I’m still 5; I’m still 3. But I’m also 17. Like, I have moments where I feel like I’m 3 when I hurt myself and I sit there and let my mom fix me up. Or, I feel like I’m 12 when I get into drama over silly things with my friends. Or I’m 10 because I just want the biggest piece of candy. It’s like as you grow older, you try and cover up your younger years. You’re still everything you were before, plus one. Not sure if I’m making sense. :P

Birthdays used to be such a big deal to me. I would always throw a party and invite all my friends and play games and eat cake and get presents. I would always beg my mom every year to let me have one. It was so important. But now, it’s not like that at all. I still like to do a little something, but just with a few friends.

So last night, Becky and Andrew took me out to dinner at my favorite restaurant, Applebee’s. They had invited a bunch of other people to surprise me, but I wasn’t really surprised because Andrew kept accidentally dropping hints all day that were pretty suspicious. Like in Physics, one of my friends came over and whispered something in his ear, and he just nodded. When I inquired about it, he just grinned at me. Then later on, he was texting one of our friend’s and he was being pretty secretive about it. Just little hints like that.

Either way, it was really fun and I received a few nice gifts, and it was great having those extra friends there. I don’t know what I’d do without my friends; they really are the best:

(Also, I got sour patch kids, and they are the best ever and ever and I’ve already eaten them all. :( And I got a stuffed animal bunny from Andrew, and it is the softest thing ever.)

This is not what I paid for

There are times when something really important happens and I instantly want to blog and talk about it. Then there are other times when I just kind of clam up and don’t want to mention it. I’ve been kind of like that lately. I wanted to say thanks to everyone who left a lovely comment on my last post. <3 I might be a while in responding, but I’ll slowly return them.

Prom was Saturday night. I had been looking forward to it for a while; I had my beautiful dress, my shoes, got a new straightener to do something with my hair, was all set for it in every way. The night started out well. Becky and Jacqueline came over to get ready together and we all looked lovely. That was about the highlight of my night.

We went to take pictures at a park nearby with someone Becky was going with and it was awful. His mom came and we took pictures for a whole freaking hour. What do you even take pictures of for an hour?! She took individual shots, posed shots, shots with different backgrounds. Gosh, it was like I was getting married… except I wasn’t! My mom stayed for about ten minutes to take some and then left. Here are a few of my favorites:

After that, we went to the hotel that our prom was being hosted at. It was nice at first, but the music kind of sucked, and it just didn’t live up to the expectations I had for it. Afterwards, we went to meet up with a group of friends at IHOP and on the way there, me and Andrew got into a fight. I was pissed, he was apologetic. We didn’t talk the rest of the evening. Neither of us had an appetite by the time we got to the restaurant. It was awful.

He took my home, and I vividly remember telling him, “You ruined my prom night.” And then I just left. Looking back at it now, I feel so horrible. I was pissed off, disappointed, and had all these emotions running through me and just said it.

We hardly talked the rest of the weekend. We’ve only been in one other fight the entire time we’ve been together, so I was not prepared for the silence and loneliness that I felt. I think I cried most of the weekend.

I’m not going to go into much more detail, but it was just overall a horrible weekend. Becky had a horrible time as well. Andrew and I have made up since then, and are fine, but we both said stuff that shouldn’t have been said, and we both feel awful about it. Just thinking about prom makes me want to cry. It definitely did not go how I wanted it to go, but c’est la vie.

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