Category Archives: Academia

The Monster that Lives Inside

I’ve never been a very rash person.

I like to methodically think things through, see the situation from multiple angles and gave it plenty of time and thought. Though lately, I’m not really sure what has gotten into me.

I ordered a textbook for my Business Statistics class I am taking this semester a few weeks back, and when I finally got it in the mail, they had sent me an Indian edition, “for sale only in India, Sri Lanka, Bangledash, and Bhutan.” The text was all in English, but I didn’t know if it was still the same book or not so I shipped it back to get a refund. I decided to rent the book from Amazon (around the same price) and not go through the same company again. I had to expedite the shipping so I would get it in time to go back to Kansas City since I don’t trust the mailing at my apartment.

The previous days and the troubles with my family had been grating on me, so I had everything packed up and was going to leave once I received my textbook in the mail. So I waited. And waited. And waited. It never came. I called FedEx to see what was up – I paid an extra $15 for the shipping so I definitely should have received it. They said it wasn’t their fault, naturally, and to call the United States Postal Service. So I called them and they said it wasn’t their fault, it was Amazon. So I called Amazon and they apologized profusely and weren’t sure why my package wasn’t marked for the expedited shipping when it should have been. They issued me a refund, which I was grateful for, but I was so angry that I still didn’t have my textbook.

Looking back, I was so stupid, but I was so angry for some reason and when I get upset I just cry. I wanted to leave home and get away and I didn’t want to cause any more problems with my mother and I wanted to see Andrew and I couldn’t because of the stupid textbook. I didn’t know what to do. I called Andrew and he suggested either having it sent to Kansas City once my mother received it or waiting for it to come and leave then.

I asked my mom if she would be willing to ship it for me once it arrived and she asked, “Do you hate it so much here that you’ll pay $30 for overnight shipping just to leave tonight?” And me, being upset and incredibly rude, said, “Yes, I hate it here that much.” Other rude things were said that I don’t really remember. I was just yelling and getting out my bottled emotions and I couldn’t stop, even as I could see the pain on my mom’s face. My mom went silent and after a moment told me to write down the address. She then went to the room and didn’t say goodbye.

That hurt. So I threw the rest of my stuff into the car – as well as a box of tissues, because I knew I would need them – and called Andrew. I told him I was coming in that night and asked if he would help me unpack when I got to my apartment. It’s about a 3 and a half hour to four hour drive between Saint Louis and Kansas City, but I didn’t leave until 8:30PM, so I knew I would be pushing it to make it by midnight.

The first forty-five minutes went by quickly. I was still so angry and upset, just wanted to get as far away as possible. And then suddenly, I felt like such a jerk. I knew I had hurt my mom a lot because she didn’t even say goodbye or to drive safely. I knew she didn’t want me to drive so late. So I cried for a good while, quickly wiping my eyes so I could see the road but then having it go blurry once more. I couldn’t take back the words I said and I was far enough out that I couldn’t just turn around. It was all done for.

I called Andrew again, practically sobbing, and I explained everything to him. I asked, “Why do I feel so guilty for just being honest when everyone in my family treats me like crap?” He said, “Because you’re a good person.” He then told me to call my mom and apologize. So I did. She was silent on the other end while I explained myself but she said she was grateful that I called and that she was really upset.

I felt better, but only a little. Halfway into the drive, I had to blast the music I was listening to – old country ballads that perfectly reflected my gloomy mood and that I knew about half the words to – just to stay awake. And then I finally reached my home away from home. Andrew helped me bring my things up from the car.

It’s been a few days since I’ve been back. I’ve done some grocery shopping, cleaned my room up, tried to prepare for school starting again next week, but mostly I’ve just watched movies with Andrew and Downton Abbey when he’s been at work (by the way, absolutely fantastic and additcting. I love it.), but that’s only been really to distract myself. My mom and I have only texted and it’s still a bit awkward.

I wanted to get away from home, but the fashion I did it in only made me feel worse and now I can’t even appreciate the distance. Who’s this selfish, inconsiderate monster I’ve become?

Fall 2013 Semester Review

Now that my grades are in and the semester is completely and forever finished (hallelujah!) it’s time for the review of my classes. I took five classes this semester for 15 credits, and was finally able to get into some of my core business classes, which was nice. I did have a few difficult classes, but I also had some easy ones so it easily balanced out.

Accounting 210
I had a really wonderful professor for this class, so I actually kind of enjoyed it. Not remotely enough to even consider majoring in Accounting, because let’s be honest, I would probably shoot myself if I did. Even though I had a great professor, it was a difficult class. I think because it was such a large class size (about 160 students) and it was the first time the class was taught with so many students, it was more challenging. Overall though, I did enjoy the class and felt like I’ve taken away a lot from it.

Credits: 3Grade: A

Economics 202
I really don’t like economics, and this class just confirmed that even more. It was a relatively easy course – though I really don’t know why because I was lost about 90% of the time and just guessed most of my way through the homework. I guess I’m a good guesser? I also managed to somehow ace most of my tests – again, more miracles.

My professor was a nice guy, but he was extremely boring. He also used the word “irregardlessly” entirely too much. First off, that’s not a word, and secondly, it’s not a word. So that was kind of annoying. But I would take him again, because he was really great working with students and did really care about how his students did. I did have some confusion with one assignment and he gave me more than adequate help on it. He also accidentally misgraded one of my tests and when I asked him about, was really apologetic and fixed it right away. Awful class, but a great guy.

Credits: 3
Grade: A

Physics 140
I told myself after I took physics in high school that I would never, ever take another physics class in my life. I literally had nightmares about that class. But I needed another science credit for my degree and this class isn’t really a physics class – it’s really a physical science class. And as I hate science, I can totally do ninth grade physical science. In college. And online.

I hadn’t taken an online class before, so I was a little nervous, but I really liked the way that my professor set it up. She was very organized and very thorough, and gave you enough time to finish assignments considering it wasn’t in an actual classroom and didn’t have specific meeting times. If all online classes were set up this way I would definitely take more. I really enjoyed being able to listen to lectures in my pajamas in my bed.

Credits: 3
Grade: A

Political Science 210
This class should really be entitled Communism 210 because my professor was definitely a commie and definitely hilarious. Coming into the class, I was pretty nervous because I don’t like talking about politics and I don’t like politics. My professor gave a really interesting spin however on American History and I really enjoyed it. I didn’t agree on most of his points, but he made really strong arguments and gave a lot of valid points that makes you really reconsider what you think about pretty much everything in politics.

It was also really refreshing to be taught by someone who is outside of the American political debate – or more specifically, is neither a Republican nor a Democrat so he just present facts, not biased arguments. He wasn’t on anyone’s sides in debates so it made debates actual debates and not party-bashing. The coarse work was really light as well. We only had three exams, a little bit of participation, and then the final that made up our grade. The exams were online and open note, but they were extremely long (first one was 164 questions…) and extremely difficult. It was nice, however, to not have to worry about homework and assignments.

Credits: 3
Grade: A

Computer Applications in Management 202
This was my blow-off class, to say the least. We worked with Excel and Access, which I was already fairly familiar with. Our professor would take us step by step though tutorials, and then the assignments would be exactly the same, so you would have to try to not do well on them. Her reviews for tests were exactly like the tests as well, so those were also easy.

Even though everything was so easy, I still learned a fair amount. My professor was very kind and also very understanding that to a lot of students, this was easy so she was flexible with people working ahead and/or working on other things. She was also very patient with students who didn’t understand, which we had several of.

Credits: 3
Grade: A

Overall this semester, I made a 4.0 which I’m really proud of. I’m especially proud of that because I also managed to achieve that while working 30+ hours a week and having (somewhat of a) social life. Let’s hope that next semester will go just as well!