Thoughts | Jovers

Happy 2016!

We rang in the new year for the first time in Kansas City. We’ve always gone home to be with friends and family, but we weren’t able to go back because of work. We wanted our celebration to be relatively chill after constantly being on the go around Christmas. I cooked some fri-do pizzas as a special meal since it’s a bit of a pain to make (and I always seem to forget to set the dough out to rise).

We watched a movie and played some video games, but by 11PM we both just went to bed. We had both been up since about 5:30AM and were pooped. I set an alarm for midnight because my mom’s birthday is January 1st, so I could call her to wish her a happy birthday. I like to think that the whole world is celebrating her birthday on New Year’s Eve. She deserves it.

I usually don’t set many goals for myself each year. If there is something that I want to change or start doing, I try to do it as soon as I can. I used to think that new year’s resolutions were stupid because of this (look at any of my past first posts of the year), but it’s always good to do a self-evaluation no matter the day. So I may have had a slight change of heart. Anyhow, I set myself a few annual goals that I’d like to work on this year. I didn’t include some obvious ones, like “Graduate!” or “Move home!” because unless I have some emergency life change, these should come naturally.

Goals for 2016:

Be more consistent in my blogging. Looking back at my consistency of my posts always hurts a bit because I can be so all over the place! Sometimes I will post every other day for two weeks and then you won’t hear from me for a month. I’ve found that organizing my posts and setting up a “blogging process” has really helped me stay consistent over the last several months (post coming soon on this!), so continuing that this year I think will really help me achieve this goal.

I was curious to see over the years how my blogging consistency has compared, so I tallied up the posts for each month and year. In 2015, I published 45 posts, which is three and a half posts a month. Not staggering, but it’s better than in 2014 and 2013 where I only had 27 and 33, respectively. Last year was the first year to break the downward trend, so I want to keep that going this year! I also realize that more isn’t necessarily better (quality > quantity) , but I feel like I always have something to say and not enough time to say it, so this goal is really more about disciplining myself to sit down and write on a regular basis.
Read 52 books. This was the only goal I set for myself last year, and I’m pretty sure from now until eternity I will be challenging myself to read more. I completed my goal last year, while planning a wedding, while my then fiancé was in another country, and while working full time and going to school full time, so I know I can do it again this year, sans wedding. You can track my progress on my Goodreads!
Be bold. I usually don’t add goals that aren’t very measurable, however I feel that this one is necessary for me to write down. As a quiet introvert, I’ve noticed the past couple months (a talk with my professor started me thinking on it) how much I can sometimes miss out. I pass up opportunities because I fear change and I don’t speak up often because I worry what people will think. My goal this year is to be bold and not think so much about just being me. I’m not sure how I’ll view if I was successful in this area at the end of this year, but I’ll just wing it.

I only made one goal for myself last year and that was to read 52 books in 2015. I included audiobooks, ebooks, and re-reads in my count and I am happy to say I reached 52 exactly!

I also have some exciting new things that I’m going to introduce to the blog this year, to give this place a more well-rounded view of me. I did an informal evaluation of what I consider most important to me and what I spend the most time doing, and what I blog about doesn’t proportionally equal either of those. So I’m excited to introduce some new topics this year that I think you will all enjoy!

I hope you all had a safe and fun new year’s eve, and I wish the best for you in 2016!

The other day, my management professor pulled me aside before class. This was unusual and I was a bit nervous – I was doing well in the class (or so I thought?) and wasn’t sure what to expect.

“I was really impressed with your presentation and you’ve done so well on the first exam.” She began. Okay, we’re good! It doesn’t have to do with my grade! “I wanted to talk to you about your level of participation in class.”

Oh boy, here we go.

As a preface: this professor is rather strict, but I overall really enjoy her class. It consists mostly of case studies and class discussion, and participation is a big part of the final grade. I feel like I participate a fair amount – not every class, but I do try to say at least one thing per class. I’m just not an active talker. In fact, it makes me really uncomfortable to talk in class, but I try occasionally for the sake of my grade.

My professor continues. “Someone with your intellectual capacity should be able to contribute more to class discussion. There are some students that just aren’t there yet, but I know with how well you’ve been doing in the class and you’re a smart girl, that you have so much that you could add to the conversation. So I want to ask you if there’s a reason why you don’t actively participate.”

I try to compose a reasonable answer besides, I just don’t want to. “Well,” I start, “I take several moments to compose my thoughts before I speak, and many time students have already said what I’m thinking. And, I’m just a natural listener. I just listen to other people without even thinking about inserting into the conversation, especially in a classroom environment,” I explained. “I have to consciously think that I need to add something, which is just not natural for me.”

She nods her head. “I totally understand that.” She says. “I was the same way – I was a very quiet person and I made a lot of mistakes in my first career job, and really in several after that because of that fact. The truth is, in the real world, in any career, you’re going to have to be more vocal. We need more assertive young women. I think that you could really benefit with experimenting being more vocal in this class.”

She went on to tell me things that I could bring up in class, like being the devil’s advocate or summarizing what other students had said, etc. I nod and promise her that I will try to be more active in class. She also asked what my plans were for after graduation. She knew that I was a finance student, and she lamented that she didn’t have that many contacts in the financial industry but that if she heard of anything, she’d let me know.

I was, and still am, flattered and slightly touched. It really was a compliment – especially that she wanted to help me find a job after graduation, even though I’m moving back to St. Louis. She really does have the best interest for her students at heart. I’m sure that she plays the mentor role well for many students.

And I do understand that being vocal and contributing is essential in any career, so I understand why she emphasizes it so much in the classroom. However, the classroom is not the work environment. So it is hard for me to practice something that doesn’t necessarily apply in the current situation.

My shyness has actually been something that I’ve been thinking about lately, before my professor even approached me on the subject. Sometimes, even in social gatherings, I can kind of suck into myself and just listen. I’ve always wondered if I would have more people in my life if I just talked more. Don’t get me wrong – I have wonderful amazing friends in my life, but really just a handful. I’m not wanting for more, just thinking. It’s more of a “what if” scenario that I play in my head. What would happen if I wasn’t so quiet.

Is it bad to just be a quiet person? No, I don’t think inherently it is. So why do I always feel like I have to apologize for being quiet?

Jovers

Category Archives: Thoughts

Hey there, 2016

Being a Quiet Person