My week can basically be summed up in this short story of mortification:

I was at school a little earlier than normal for a Tuesday (class starts at 8:30am) because I needed to print some papers off. I was able to find a computer, printed my work off, and then went to the bathroom. After I came out, I wasn’t paying much attention to where I was going; I was trying to reach my water bottle in the side pocket of my backpack, so I twisted around and headed to the open area to my right and – BAM! – walked mindlessly right into a glass door.

Talk about mortifying.

All I could think was, get out get out get out. I could not believe that I had just done that – and in the Student Union of all places, with tons of other students walking around me. My eyes were watering from the pain of smashing my nose against the glass and I still couldn’t see clearly. I was just so in shock, I kept my head ducked down, opened the door, and hurried out of the Union to see a big glob of blood fall from my nose to the ground. The pain intensifies now that I realize blood is squirting out of my nose and all over my jacket, purse, and jeans. I cover my nose with my hand and hurry to the next building to find a bathroom.

I couldn’t go back into the Student Union after everyone had just witnessed what I did. My pride hurt enough. I walk as fast as I can through the business school with blood flowing in between my fingers and down my hand. I avoid all curious gazes – what, you don’t walk into doors and make your nose bleed all the time? – and push open the bathroom doors. I grab paper towels and just hold them to my nose for what seems like forever and I can’t help but watch in the mirror as the brown paper towels keep turning red.

I think about how much of a wuss I am and just pray that I don’t pass out. I could only imagine some innocent student finding me passed out on the floor with blood running out my nose and all over my face. I put a hand on the sink to steady myself, but feel okay.

I also can’t help but think, where is my nursing-major boyfriend when I need him??

My nose finally stops bleeding and I try to wipe what I can from my face and then work on my purse and don’t even bother with my jacket. I gently blow my nose, hoping all the blood will come out, and then notice that I got blood on my favorite moccasins.

I somehow still managed to make it to class on time. My nose is still a little sore, and every time I walk by the door in the Union, I see the little smudge my nose made on the glass and wonder when the cleaning crew will wipe the doors down.

This year has been kind of crazy for me and a bit of a whirlwind. I can’t believe how quickly the last half of the year went! While I’m not too sorry to see it go, I had some really great memories this year and I’ve learned a lot. I have a lot to be proud of and also a lot to learn from.

For starters, I managed a 4.0 GPA this entire year! Grades were finalized about a week ago and I managed to earn straight A’s this semester and last semester. It wasn’t easy, especially after working 30+ hours a week this semester, but I’m really proud.

I bought a car in May. It’s a 2010 Hyundai Accent and I absolutely love it. I really needed a car to go back and forth between school and home, and also so I could get a job while I was away at school. I had been saving for a while, so I was able to put a good down payment on it, but I still had to take out a pretty big loan. Enough to make me uncomfortable with the amount of debt I am currently in when combined with my student loans. So I guess we can also say that 2013 is the year that I went massively in debt. YAY!

My best friend got her eyebrow pierced and I passed out. This is one of those memories that I file under “lesson learned” because I won’t be going with friends anymore to get piercings (not that any of them really do anyways). Nonetheless, it was extremely embarrassing and, looking back, we can all laugh about it, but it’s probably my most embarrassing moment. Especially considering I shouted out for my mom when I started to become conscious. I don’t like to let people know that though…

I went to Puerto Rico on a mission trip. I love to travel, so being able to spend a week there and sight see as well as love the community and build a roof for the sweetest old lady was wonderful. I made a lot of friends and I learned a lot – I also put on my first tin roof! I had the blisters to prove it, too!

Jon Jay from the Saint Louis Cardinals threw me and my friends a baseball at a game. It was awesome. I was so happy this summer because I was able to go to a lot of baseball games with Andrew and my friends. I love the Cardinals and when I’m in Kansas City, everyone roots for the Royals instead. The entire night me and my friends kept passing the baseball between us and giggling because we couldn’t believe it happened!

I moved into my own apartment in a different city and pay my rent and bills (with help from my parents). There were a lot of problems at first, including not having hot water for nine days and not have screens on our windows, but I’m really proud of how me and my roommate handled it. It’s not the ideal apartment, but we’re broke college students making it work. It’s lonely sometimes, but it’s ours.

I got a job at a movie theater in August and while it hasn’t been perfect, it’s been what I needed and it helps me pay the bills. I worked, as mentioned above, about 30 hours a week, sometimes more. It was really hard managing work and school and not having time for friends. Really hard.

I struggled with depression and anxiety through most of the fall semester. It wasn’t pretty and it wasn’t easy. It’s difficult for me to even go back and read the posts I made — or more accurately, the posts I never made. (I also want to thank you all for the love you gave me during that time. You guys are beautiful people.) I was so down that I couldn’t even write down my feelings. I think there was a point that Andrew may have suggested I talk to someone. I managed to get through and I’m hoping that I’m stronger because of it. I pray that when I return next semester I won’t go through it again, but I wouldn’t say it’s something so easily conquered. One day at a time.

And now, I’m finishing this year of ups and downs, memories and struggles, here at home with my family and friends. I hope you all had a good 2013, have a wonderful new year’s eve, and have an even better 2014! <3