Category Archives: Academia

Finally Settling Down

“Settle down, it’ll be all clear. Don’t pay no mind to the demons, they fill you with fear. The trouble it might drag you down. If you get lost you can always be found. Just know you’re not alone, cause I’m gonna make this place your home.”

I was just listening to my iPod and this song came up and I thought it would be a fitting start to this new blog post, because really, this last month I just needed to take one big huge deep breath and calm the heck down. Things are so much better in college since the last time I blogged; it’s not perfect, but gosh, I’m actually happy.

I’ll start with my roommate. Her name is Alysha and she is absolutely fantastic. I’ve heard so many horror stories about different people’s crazy roommates but so far me and her have gotten along so well. We’re both Christians and at that  we’re both Baptists (what are the odds?) so having her as a roommate has been an encouragement and it’s definitely been a God thing that we were put together. We have a lot in common and a few weekends ago I actually went home with her to meet her family and check out her town for the weekend.

We’ve both gotten pretty involved in a Christian organization on campus called Impact and it has been so much fun meeting everyone in it. We went to a house party last night and had a potluck dinner and played games. Me and Alysha just brought chips because we can’t really cook anything in the dorm very easily. :P With big group gatherings I usually tend to be kind of awkward and don’t enjoy them very much, just because I’m kind of a quiet and introverted person. But last night was so great.

As far as classes, I’m fairly confident in all of them. I still don’t necessarily enjoy them, but that’s okay. I’ve pretty much decided to drop my French major and not even consider it for a minor either. I loved it in high school, but I really think that was largely due to my teacher. My professor is literally the stereotype of a Frenchman: snobby, rude, intimidating, and doesn’t understand a word that anyone is saying unless you pronounce it perfectly. So that class is really a pain. I’m wondering if it’s just my professor and if I should give it another shot next semester, but I don’t want to waste my time. Just have to think about it some more.

Instead, I’m considering majoring in business administration. I need to talk to the business college advisers and get some more overall information still, so that’s another step forward. Both Andrew and Becky both thought that Business would be better suited to me than French, so we’ll see. :) Plus my roommate is a business major, so that would be fun.

Me and Andrew are planning on heading back home towards the end of October which I’m really excited about. I miss my family and friends and my dog! That furry slobbery lump of joy I have missed so much. Plus, I didn’t bring hardly any winter clothes with me and it’s been getting cold so I need to bring some of that back! :P

I received a care package from one of my aunt’s yesterday and it was so sweet. She included all of my favorite junk food and included a note that said, ‘When things get rough, call on Christ. And a little bit of junk food. Junk food helps too.’ So now I have enough junk food to last me a good month! And something else to snack on when the cafeteria food gets old (which it is starting to).

On a bit of a different note, I am so so so excited for NaNoWriMo in November. I know that it’s not even October yet, but I already have a plot in mind for my novel and have started with character development. Anyone else planning on doing NaNo this year? Because I think that you should. It’s one of the best experiences that I think everyone should at least try once! And while I think I must be some kind of neurotic person for attempting to do this on top of school and all of my other obligations, I keep thinking I managed it my senior year with six honors classes and pulled a 4.8 GPA. I got this.

That’s another phrase I keep telling myself. I got this. Because I can. I can do this.

I can do this.

(P.S. For whatever reason, my laptop won’t let me view CO.CC domains. I don’t know what the problem is but I love all you lovelies, I just can’t view or comment on your sites! :( If you have any ideas to what the problem may be, that would be much appreciated!)

Still Miserable

The last month of my life has been the most difficult and challenging time of my life. Things are a little better since my last post; I’m not crying every time I think of my family or home, and I’m not always cooped up in my dorm. However, things are still really hard for me. And I really have no idea why. Tonight is just a night that I’ve been so down and keep tearing up every few minutes. My roommate is in the room however, so I have to keep just taking really deep breaths and act like my nose is just runny every time I got up to get a tissue.

I really don’t know why college is so hard for me. I’ve been on literally halfway across the world for half a month and had no problems. I’ve done numerous mission trips and activities with friends where I’ve been gone from home for relatively long periods of time. Maybe it’s just that I always knew when I was coming back home to them…

I got to go home for Labor day weekend which was wonderful. It was so great to be able to see my family and friends and church family. I might have started crying.  x_x My mom drove down with my aunt and sister to pick me, Andrew, and another friend up and bring us home. Then Andrew’s mom took us back. Andrew’s still working on the whole getting a new car bit. I don’t know if seeing my family was really helpful because it just makes me miss them more now.

I’m not enjoying my classes. I’m only taking 12 credit hours (which is not much at all…). I have two classes each day: Monday/Wednesday/Fridays I have French 211 and a dumb freshman seminar class this is a waste of time and money (i.e. let’s learn how to take notes today!). Tuesday/Thursday I have Psych and Honors English. I’m doing pretty terrible in French and I dunno if it’s worse that I’m doing so terribly or if it’s just that I don’t care? I’ve got a quiz tomorrow and an exam Friday, and I just…. I don’t care. It doesn’t make any sense. Which is so freaking stupid because that’s the whole reason I’m here, to get an education and to take classes. I’m just so down that I can’t even bring myself to really try and study. So stupid.

I’m just so miserable for no legitimate reason and I know it’s taking a toll on everything. I don’t want to meet new people. I don’t have the energy to perform well in class. I figured after almost a month into college I would be into the hang of things. I have really good days, and then I just have really awful days where I mope around. I just feel like I’m wasting so much time and money. And with so many people counting on me… But I’ve got a whole year to get through.

Being surrounded by everyone who knows what they want to do and their major is not helpful either. I feel like I’m wasting even more time on classes I’m taking because requirements change per major, and some majors you need to start taking classes for your freshman year. I don’t particularly want to stay in this hell for more than one year, let alone four. I just need to change my thoughts to more positive things, but that’s so much easier said than done.

Here’s to hoping tomorrow’s a whole lot better than today was.